Happy Dance

I'm very excited to announce that I officially have a job in my field! I am now a Casual Relief Counselor for a women's residential treatment facility. I have a regular weekly shift and should be able to pick up another one here and there.

It may not seem like a big deal, but this is HUGE to me. Since, I've started this process I've known that I want to work with women in addictions. I haven't wavered from this idea once. I've known all along this is the area I'm meant to work with. I feel strongly about advocating for women, especially women with addictions.

I have an interview on Thursday for a job at Staples. It's not in my field but it will pay the bills while I'm trying to find work that will pay the bills and be in my field. For now I'm content to know that I have my foot in the door at a treatment facility. 

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Simplicity

I feel like this chicken...

I probably look like this... 

...you know...

...the crazy eyes...

Happy Saturday and welcome to our new look! Blogger added dynamic views and I figured since this is a new chapter in my life my blog should reflect that. 

Simplicity.

That's what my life needs right now. 

I crave the simple things in life...like having time to eat breakfast and enjoy a cup of coffee before I start my day or a simple afternoon nap. But this is the real world and at this time in my life nothing is simple and time is very precious because I can see it flying by, slipping through my fingers. 

Don't get me wrong I enjoy school. I love my course and the wonderful people in my class. I knew it was going to be tough. I knew it would be stressful. I did not know how much of a toll the stress would put on me and my family. I'm on edge all the time. I'm stressing out about everything and as a result I've gained a bunch of weight. 

So, now enter guilt on top of stress. I'm in the cycle of feeling too tired to do anything but knowing if I do I'll have more energy. 

So? What's a girl to do? I know a lot of it boils down to managing my time better. How do I  get everything done in the day without passing out from exhaustion? I need to find time to take care of me. 

If I'm not well how can I take care of everyone else? 

Wish me luck. I'd appreciate a few prayers for me to get my act together. I do hope to blog more...I need an outlet and always enjoy sharing with my readers. 

Hoping you're all well!

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Introducing the Healthier Happier Wiser Blogger

Good Afternoon! Just a quick post today. I want to introduce you to a fellow blogger Tiana from http://healthierhappierwiser.wordpress.com/.

Tiana's blog is new this year and is all about health. She shares what she has learned through her own experience and the experience she has gained from others. Stay tuned for recipes, videos and much more! 

I hope to have her guest blog in the near future!

Welcome to the Blogosphere Tiana!

Week 1 Complete

Image via Wikipedia

Sunday: Lower Body (Weeks 1-4)

DAY:	5
DATE:	July 25, 2010
TIME:	Cardio 6:30 am Weights 10:30 am
CARDIO TODAY?	YES
EXERCISE	Biking
DURATION	28:40 (3.28 miles)
LENGTH OF WORKOUT:	1 hour
WEIGHT:	65 lbs
LOCATION:	Home
MOOD WHEN STARTING:	Didn't want to do cardio this morning, but I did it anyway. Felt much better about working out when it came time to do my weight training.

EXERCISE	Set #1	Set #2	Set #3
Deadlift: 3 sets of 8-12 reps	15x12	15x12	15x12
Barbell Squat: 3 sets of 8-12 reps	15x12	15x12	15x12
Dumbbell Lunges: 3 sets of 8-12 reps	5x12	5x12	5x12
DB Seated One-Leg Calf Raise: 3 sets of 8-12 reps	20x12	20x12	20x12
Dumbbell Shrugs: 3 sets of 8-12 reps	10x12	10x12	10x12
Reverse Crunch: 3 sets of 10-15 reps	15	15	15
Superman: 3 sets of 10-15 reps	15	15	15

TRAINING, NUTRITION & SUPPLEMENT NOTES:

Today went really well. I'm exhausted yet energized! YAY for exercise highs! I had a hard time with the ab work because my abs still hurt from Wednesday's workout. I wanted to give up while doing Superman. Funny, it's the "easiest" of all the exercises for the day but mentally the hardest. However,  I DID IT! I completed WEEK 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Something to Smile About

Well, I promised that I would tell you all how my trial with Yaz goes. So, just a quick note to keep you all up to date. 

I have to say things are better. I still had a few bad days but overall life is manageable again! I'm nearing the end of month 2 so I'm feeling confident that this is the solution for me. I've also started exercising again which can only help with my PMDD symptoms. My caffeine consumption overall is a lot less too. I know I'm not "cured" by any means.

I'm just happy that I can enjoy life more! Life isn't much fun when you're angry all the time. For now, I'll leave you with a fun song by Lily Allen. Until next time! Enjoy!

Rant - Sporting Goods Stores

Today marks Day 3 of getting healthy. I've been doing okay for the most part but not great. I ended up eating junk late last night and while still in my calorie range it definitely wasn't healthy or helpful. I'm not giving up. I know this is my umpteenth try at getting healthy and losing weight but if I don't try I'll never get there. 

I'm ticked off. I know that I'm a large woman. Scratch that. I know I'm fat. I also know that I'm not the only fat person in the world, let alone the city of Ottawa. So, why is it that stores that sell sports clothing do not carry anything larger than L or XL? (At least not in the women's sections.) Like come on! How are people who are struggling to lose weight and get healthy supposed to feel when they can't find anything to work out in? At times it can be a setback. 

I have a bike again and I'd really like to find some bike shorts. Apparently, that's not going to happen until after I've already lost all my weight. Thanks..that's helpful. I'm going to check out a few more stores, and at this point I don't even care if they're men's or women's bike shorts. In fact it's not even just bike shorts. Try and find any decent athletic wear for someone larger than an XL, it's next to impossible.

You know what else bothers me? That fat people are made to feel even worse when they finally do something about their weight. Now, I know some of it is our own insecurities, but not always. You walk into a sporting goods store and no one offers to help you. Walk into a supplement store and they practically scoff at you. It's like "Hello! I know I'm fat. Don't you think if anyone should be here it's me?" I just find this utterly ridiculous.

I get very self-conscious when I workout. I find it very hard to go into public to workout. Going for walks is the worst, because I find myself looking at the people running by thinking they're judging me. I've seen a few looks to prove that theory although I admit a lot of the time it's mostly just me judging me. 

I find it easier with biking. I'm not in the same spot for long and I enjoy it so much I usually don't think about being the fat girl on a bike. I'm hoping to start biking this weekend. I overdid it the first day out with my seat in the wrong position. As you can imagine...that led to a problem sitting back down on my bike seat. For now I am letting myself heal before starting up again. I'm hoping to log a lot of miles this summer.

Here's a picture of my bike and helmet:

Old Baggage

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As I've grown through my life I've learned to let go of the past and look toward the future. At times, I've had to remove myself from situations or distance myself from certain people. All of these steps have helped me grow into the person I am today. For the most part I'm a strong and confident woman, wife and mother. 

There are times when little things sneak up on you that you thought were long gone. I grew up with an alcoholic parent. I have to say I was never physically abused and the purpose of my writing this is not to point fingers or lay blame. I've made my peace with the past a long time ago. There are, however, aspects not specific to any one person or event that are affecting me now. 

In addition to an alcoholic parent, I've also been in a relationships with alcoholics. Now, I'm not condoning having a drink here and there. I've been known to drink in my day. Although, I can no longer drink any alcohol at all. There's some sort of enzyme thingy that I'll just equate to being allergic to alcohol. By the way, I love when people say to just drink through it. Really? Do you really think that's good advice? 

Okay, so my long winded way of getting to the point is this - lately I've been really bothered by the smell of alcohol. Rationally, I know people have a drink or two and rationally I'm okay with this. Emotionally, I feel like a defensive little girl who has to walk on eggshells to avoid conflict. That's what it feels like and I still don't think that's accurate enough. 

I smell alcohol and immediately my back is in the air like a cat sensing danger. I keep my distance so I can still carry on a normal conversation, meanwhile my insides are churning. I'm not sure I can really articulate how I feel about it but I felt I had to try. I have to get this out and written down. I need to release whatever this is. 

It's been so long since I've been able to drink even an occasional glass of wine. Honestly, I no longer see the appeal. Then again I could say the same about cigarettes. When you've removed yourself for so long it loses it's appeal and you wonder what was so good about it to begin with. 

At a retreat I went to earlier this year the speaker talked about forgiveness. When you release something and you ask God's forgiveness, it's gone - forever. The devil loves to play the shame card and remind us of our past sins. So, I'm going to remind myself that it wasn't my fault the people in my past were alcoholics. I'm a stronger person today because of what I went through. Ultimately, I am FORGIVEN. No one can take that away. 

Let Go - Let God!

More on PMDD - Yaz It Up!

Image via Wikipedia

Well, I finally did it; I met my mum-in-law's doctor. The doctor seems nice enough and I found it easier to talk to a female doctor about my PMDD. Although, I did have to explain what it was - which kind of caught me off guard. You expect a doctor to just know everything which is totally unrealistic, but we still expect it. 

I should have gone in there with a definition of PMDD because I'm sure I missed something. She thinks I should be on anti-depressants, but I stressed that I do not have benefits. So, we're going to try me on Yaz birth control for 3 months. I'll go back to see her in 2 months to see how things are going. I guess she'll decide at that time if she wants to officially take me as a patient. She said she'd take me on for now. I have no idea what that means, but I'll take it since I currently have no doctor. Besides she gave me 3 months of trial packs of Yaz - free!

It still amazes me that medical professionals don't believe certain illnesses/disorders do not exist because there is no blood test to prove it. It's like Fibromyalgia - a lot of doctors still think it's in a patients head. With PMDD they think it's just PMS. 

I tried to explain that my symptoms are only surrounding my period. The week or so before to a few days after my period. My "normal" time I'm relatively happy and thankful for my life. How is that depression? Isn't depression ALL the time? Not just surrounding your period? 

Now, I know there's no miracle cure, but I'm feeling hopeful to actually be trying something to relieve my symptoms. I've read a lot of information on Yaz. Yes, even the lawsuit stuff about how the commercials are misleading women to think that all of their symptoms will be gone. I never expected they'd all be gone and I still don't expect Yaz to "cure" me but if it helps relieve some or most of my symptoms it's worth a try isn't it? I've also read a lot of comments on other women's success/failure with Yaz. Looking at them as a whole it seems the women Yaz didn't work for generally have problems with any birth control pill. I know it's been many years since I've taken anything but I don't recall any trouble when I took birth control before.

I've also read how many women developed PMDD after getting their tubes tied, which is when mine started as well. When I mentioned this to the doctor she dismissed it since tubaligation does not affect your hormones. Now, I admit I always had bad periods (at least at the time I thought they were bad). They always lasted the full 7 days and they were always heavy (again what I thought was heavy at the time). 

I have a theory. My theory is that it is ALL related. I mean I started my period shortly before my 9th birthday and I'm now 30. I've had 3 babies and had my tubes tied. Add to that my weight. You put all of those things together and I think the tubaligation threw my body out of whack. When many women go through similar things I don't think a doctor can discount it just because the procedure itself doesn't affect hormones.

Doctors are smart, but diagnosing an illness is not the same as living with it. Ask the husband of any PMDD affected woman and he'll tell you this is not regular PMS. Ask the children of moms with PMDD. 

- sigh- 

My poor kids. I wonder if they think I hate them. It seems I'm always so frustrated with them. All I ever do is yell (or cry for that matter).

TO ALL THE DOCTORS OUT THERE:

PMDD exists! I don't care how many of you try to pawn it off as depression. This is not depression. Anti-depressants will only help so much. You can't treat just one of the symptoms. You have to treat it for what it is. It IS Premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Try to listen to your patients. Don't roll your eyes. Broaden your horizons and maybe read up on an illness/disorder you don't know much about. That is the best way to truly help your patient.

I know my thoughts are kind of all over the place, but hey that's how my brain works. I will keep you posted on how things go with Yaz. For now, I've got to kick my butt into high gear. I've got a wedding to go to! I leave Thursday morning and I haven't started packing yet. I did pull out the suitcase which is usually half the battle. Have a great day. 

Oh and my new mantra.... Let Go - Let God. When I get super stressed out I repeat this to myself.So, my friends do not worry about anything - Let Go and Let God.

PMDD - Warning - Female Topic Below

Image via Wikipedia

Well, I've been slacking with my writing the last couple of weeks. I'm just now starting to feel better, but I'm still really tired. I think my iron may be low again. I have a list of things to blog about now, but haven't had the mojo to write. I figure since I know why I haven't been writing that I'd start there.

I'm not a fan of labels. I find often when we label something we start using it as an excuse. For a long time I just thought I was depressed and just had a bad period. I always had a bad period or at least at the time I considered it bad. Then after Riley was born I had my tubes tied. Everything was fine until February 2008 when I became extremely depressed. I didn't want to get out of bed, I was so tired all the time. I kept it all to myself and got out of bed everyday, not much choice when you have kids. I was there physically but emotionally not so much.

It wasn't until I got my period twice in the shortest month of the year to realize it was all related to my period. That's when I was first diagnosed with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder also known as PMDD. We talked about methods to help counteract the symptoms and decided on anti-depressants. I was to take them for two weeks a month - the week before and the week of my period.

This helped get me out of the worst of my funk but by June I changed jobs and no longer had benefits and couldn't afford the medication. So, I started exercising. At first I was just going on walks and then I started biking. In September things got bad again, mostly I had my emotions in check, but I was so physically drained. I found out my iron was really low and it's no wonder with periods as heavy as mine. So, I started taking iron supplements and this helped a lot. 

I was exercising and my period was still very heavy but I only seemed to have about one really bad emotional day the week before my period. For a while things were okay until I got a flat tire, then my bike got stolen and then it was winter. I kinda lost momentum after that. Since then I've been battling getting into the swing of exercising again.  Mostly, I've ignored the problem hoping it'll all just go away.

Lately it seems it's worse again. I start to get really emotional about a week before my period. When I say emotional I mean it's really bad. I'll cry for no reason. The kids will annoy me. I'm angry all the time and honestly can't tell you what I'm mad about. Then of course are the times I do get mad for a reason and I'm like a wild hurricane destroying everything in its path.

I've started to read more about PMDD. I've found some really great information from real women who are also affected by it. Some, use birth control to help regulate their periods. Some use anti-depressants or a combination of both. There is no cure but some women have been able to manage their symptoms well. Others are just trying to make it through the day. 

One big suggestion is to eliminate caffeine as it adds to the irritability.If you follow my blog at all you know how much I love my espresso drinks. So, I researched some more hoping it was just one opinion. Alas, it's a majority. I love my espresso, but I've decided not to completely ignore the facts. I'm no longer going to drink any Red Bull and I'm limiting myself to 1 cup of espresso a day. Now I admit MY cup of espresso is more like a bowl, but the caffeine equals 2 cups of regular coffee. I may continue to decrease my consumption but I love my java!  I'm just not ready to give it up completely. 

Let me break down a typical month for me with PMDD. About a week before my period is due I become extremely emotional. I'm overly sensitive to everything and very easily frustrated. Some months that part lasts only a day, other months the degree varies from day to day but ultimately stays until the last day or two of my period. Also, during this week I find it hard to sleep. I stay up much later than I should. Then I actually get my period and day one isn't too bad, but day two is very heavy and painful. By day three I literally do not want to get out of bed, all I want to do is sleep. I'm completely exhausted and in pain and I have my period for the full 7 days. Finally, my period is over and life starts to get back to normal. Well, as normal as my life gets.

So, that's my story. Ultimately, I know exercise alleviates a lot of my emotional symptoms. I've started going for a walk/jog at night after the kids are in bed. So far this week it seems to be going well. I'll let you know how it goes. When I've got some time I'll add a page dedicated to PMDD and some of the links I use.

How I kicked my own butt....

Image via Wikipedia

So, I've managed to keep my momentum since my last update. Monday I had to work in the office, but brought a healthy lunch and actually ate it instead of buying something. I even went with a lower calorie coffee from Starbucks. 

It's still early on, but I've managed to work out 3 days in a row. I've also managed something else "new". I've eaten only one bowl/plate of food and I haven't binged on anything. Again, I know, it's still early on, but I'm very proud of myself for the progress I've made so far. 

I decided to do cardio one day and weight training the next and keep alternating. Since, I went for a walk/jog on Sunday that meant Monday was a weight training day. As usual an obstacle came up to try and deter me from my path. I burned my left hand while making supper. It hurt so badly I was calling it quits, but my amazing husband went out to "get the paper" and came home with some burn cream. I watched House and then decided I could do my lower body weight training instead of the upper body training I'd had planned. 

My quads still hurt from these:

Dumbbell Squats (Q) with two 5 lbs weights 4x12

Dumbbell Sumo Squats (Q) with one 10 lbs weight 4x12

These exercises are so simple, yet very difficult:

Dumbbell Lunges (H) with two 5 lbs weights 4x12

Straight-leg Dead Lifts (H) with two 5 lbs weights 4x12

I already have fairly strong calves so I didn't do as many sets on my calves:

Standing Calf Raises (C) 2x12

One Leg Calf Raises (C) L-1x12 R-1x12

We had a family crisis at the end of my workout so I didn't do more, although I'm not sure I could have managed more my first time out. I did something right since my abs hurt today:

Crunches (A) 3x12

Bent Knee Leg Raises (A) 2x12

After my workout and my family crisis was over I laid down on the couch and promptly passed out cold. I woke up at 2:30 am and went to bed. It was the best sleep I've had in a long time.

Today's workout was supposed to be walk/jog again but it snowed here in Ottawa which later turned to rain. I considered going outside anyway, but looked up heavy bag routines. I came across this 30-30-30 routine and boy did it kick my butt. 

The first 30 seconds you hit the heavy bag with regular speed. The second 3 seconds is the hardest because you have to be quick. You lift your knees and hit the bag while rotating around it. All this is done as quickly as possible and with your knees as high as possible. The last 30 seconds is knockout punches - hit the bag as hard as you can. Rest time in-between sets can vary anywhere from 1 minute to 15 seconds depending on the workout you're looking for. 

I used my Cardio Trainer App on my phone to determine the 30 seconds. I'm not sure how many full sets I did. When I grew too tired of keeping this up I improvised and went between the three types of heavy bag exercises as I could handle. I started to get really out of breath and a stitch in my side so I ran/walked forward 4 steps and backwards 4 steps. I kept the last but up for about 5 minutes. I lumped this in as aerobics and my total workout was about 20 minutes. 

Date:      Tuesday Apr.27, 2010 06:36 pm
Distance:      1.14 mi
Duration:      00:21:46
Exercise Type:      Aerobics

Right now I'm trying to focus on building a decent routine, one that is reasonable that I can stick to. I feel good about this fresh start, but I've said that before. Well, I'm off to bed - g'night. 

Worst .... Haircut ...... Ever

Well, today I got the bright idea to go get my hair cut. This seemed simple enough but apparently somewhere between what I asked for and what I got ended in disaster. When I got home I had a shower and attempted to make salvage some sort of style.I think I did ok, but there's barely any angle and it's so short! Here's a picture, but believe me it doesn't do justice to how bad it was when I left the salon.

After the hair cut I was really upset but I continued on to Wal-Mart to get workout pants. Although I found a pair that fit I was quite upset about the size. So that added fuel to my already roaring fire of emotional turmoil. But, it is just hair and if I work hard the weight will come off.

I've got a new buddy to help me along the way. My friend Helen is joining me for my walks. Tonight we went 2.5 miles (3.3 km). I think it took us about 40 minutes. All in all I feel better about everything now (though I still want to put a bag over my hair).

I'm off to bed! Good Night All!

Spring has Sprung!

Hello Spring! How I've missed you!

Isn't it wonderful? The days are brighter, the weather is warmer, the snow is almost gone and it hasn't even been slushy! Can you believe it's already the middle of March?! It feels like waking up from the darkness of despair and coming out into the light of life!

With the nice weather comes the urge to get out and get some exercise. Last night we all went for a walk after

dinner. It wasn't a very fast walk or very far but it was nice to be outside and spend time together as a family.

This weekend was super productive, I realize now I must have been spring cleaning without meaning to. We've had a lot of trouble getting Riley to sleep over the past month. Seems to be since she got sick in February first with the flu then with a cold. It got to the point even if she woke in the middle of the night she refused to go back to bed.

Friday night was bad, I thought I'd finally worked out a new routine with her, but she woke at 3 am and started freaking out when I wanted her to go back to sleep. It was then I realized the real problem and that's the neighbors. They're young and were having a party. It wasn't a loud party by any real standards, but Riley's room is right above the front door. So, Saturday I set out to switch Riley's room with my office and she's slept well ever since! She loves her new room and even plays in it. In the process I organized my office which in itself is HUGE!

Well, as you know it's March. October is only 7 months away. That means I've got 7 months to get in shape for the CIBC Run for the Cure 2010! Check out my donation page. I'm not sure when they switch everything over to a new year, but I'm already preparing. So, to get started I'm going to follow an About.com program 3 Weeks to a 30-Minute Running Habit.

Day 1: Let's Get Started

Today's run: Start with a 5-10 minute warm-up walk. Run 1/1 x 10. (Run 1 minute, walk 1 minute, ten times, for a total of 20 minutes.) Finish up with a 5-10 minute cool-down walk. Remember to take it easy and don't worry about your pace at all.

I'll let you know how it goes!

Another Step Forward

Image via Wikipedia

After all my running around yesterday and trying to get the kids to bed I did NOT want to go to the gym. I was so angry and frustrated that the boys wouldn't go to sleep. I feel guilty that my husband is home with the kids all day long and then he has to deal with them at night too. I decided not to go to the gym. Ben told me to just go anyway. I honestly wasn't going to go, but then a thought occurred to me: this is the exact reason why I fail every time I try to lose weight. I get frustrated or too tired and I basically give up.

So, I started my workout at 9 pm and worked out for an hour. I spent 20 minutes on the treadmill. I was angry so I kept walking faster then I'd set the speed for. So I kept to a very brisk walk and even ran a few times, granted not for long periods of time. I'm just so proud of myself for not falling into old traps and working hard. Of course, I felt so much better after my workout!

Cardio - Treadmill
20 minutes / 1.1 miles / 314 calories

Weight Training - Back/Biceps/Calves

Lateral Pull Down
1 warmup set 40 lbs 12 reps
3 sets 60 lbs 15 reps

Reverse Grip Lateral Pull Down

2 sets 60 lbs 15 reps

Alternate DB Bicep Curls
1 warmup set 5 lbs 12 reps
3 sets 7.5 lbs 15 reps

Alternate DB Hammer Curls
3 sets 7.5 lbs 15 reps

Standing Calf Press
1 warmup set 40 lbs 12
3 sets 60 lbs 15 reps

Cool Down 5 minutes Elliptical

CIBC Run for the Cure 5 km Complete!

Well, I did it! I met my donation goal and I completed the 5 KM CIBC Run for the Cure on Sunday. I also weighed myself that morning, but I'll get to that in a little while.

My friend Dre and I went together. She decided to walk with me instead of trying to run. We got there really early and walked around for probably an hour before the run actually started. It seemed to take a really long time to get started. It was slow moving at first walking in a crowd. There were over 10,000 people in the run! Once we really got started Dre and I moved up through the ranks, we were able to find holes in the crowd and skip past them.

There were a few times I felt emotional and near tears. I held back because I felt silly since I haven't lost anyone to breast cancer. There was one group that were carrying paper torches that said Sue-vivors, they lost their mom to breast cancer.

On the lap back we ran couple of times but not for very long. I know Dre could have run more, but held back with me which I really appreciated. As we neared the end of the 5 km I felt overwhelmed with emotion. Knowing I had come this far with the donations and actually showing up and walking the 5 km. I can't explain it really, but I really wanted to cry.

We finished the race in under 51 minutes, grabbed some water and walked back to the car. By this point we were pretty tired and didn't feel like staying for the end ceremonies. We both had a wonderful time and plan on doing this again next year.

Next year the plan is to raise more money and to run at least half the 5 km.

When I weighed myself in the morning before the run I was at 237.4. I am down 2 lbs from last week with a total of 4 lbs lost since I started Meridia! I was in shock when I first looked down and saw that number! It's exciting to feel like I'm finally on the right path to lose weight.

I still have a lot of work to do especially with my eating and adding exercise. At least I'm not eating half what I used to and this is what I needed help with the most!

Have a great day! I'll update soon.

eLLe

Week 2

Welcome to week 2 of being on Meridia. I meant to write sooner, but had a lack of new things to talk about and then well didn't have the time.

Sunday was officially 1 week since I started Meridia and first weighed myself. Well, I weighed myself and my current weight is NOW: 239.4. That's right! I am down 2 lbs!

Over the last year I have bounced up and down from 239 to 250 and in no particular order. So at this point anything below 239 feels like I've really lost weight instead of the same 10 lbs over and over. This is real progress.

After Joey was born until I was pregnant with Riley I maintained 235 lbs. So that was about 2 years. Real progress will begin once I'm below 235 lbs.

Now, having said all that I know losing 10 lbs is nothing to scoff at. I know that after being 235+ lbs for the past 4.5 years I will really start to accept that I am finally on my weigh to my weight loss goals.

Sunday is quickly approaching and I'm excited and nervous about the CIBC Run for the Cure. I'm trying to look at this as a beginning not a failure. I originally signed up for the run to be a goal for when I've lost some weight and to be able to actually run most if not all of the 5 km. Well, as life happens I'm nowhere near that fitness goal. Now it's time to change my thinking and look at this as a fresh start so next year I can run the 5 km!

As of today I am only $35 shy of my donation goal! I've had a lot of help in changing some of the ways I look at life. Many of you know I've asked for donations for the run. I've had so many surprises with the people who've so generously sponsored me. When I asked for donations I expected $5-$10 and figured if I got enough people then it would add up. Instead I've been blessed with sponsors who've donated $20-$100 in one shot. I even had a donation from a guy I work with who I haven't really gotten to know! This all amazes me and really helps me put things in perspective. The whole point of this run is to Cure Breast Cancer! There will be many women there who've beaten cancer or lost someone they love to cancer. This is the point! Not how well I can run or not or how fit I am. So, I want to say a big thank you to the people who've sponsored me and for the people who support me emotionally and spiritually.

Thank you all and God Bless!!

eLLe

Time for a Change

Welcome to my new blog.

I decided it was time for a change. I really enjoyed writing my Fitness Rampage Blog but I felt compelled to only write about fitness/weight issues and who has time for 2 separate blogs?

Being eLLe is going to encompass more of my daily life, as it happens. I'll include my struggles with weight loss as well as updates on my family and life in general.

As many of you know from my previous blog I've struggled with trying to lose weight for years. I've had weight problems since high school when I started binge eating. Twice I've lost weight and kept it off for a number of years, but then I had children.

When pregnant I didn't care how much I weighed, I ate whatever I craved through all 3 of my pregnancies. It took about 2 years after Dale was born for me to lose weight, but I did it and was happy with my shape and the energy levels I had. After gaining all the weight back with Joey I help back losing because I knew I wanted another child. I thought after Riley it would be easy for me to get started and lose weight. What I failed to take account for was the fact that it is now 5 years later and I'm so used to giving in to cravings and eating whatever I want that I'm having a very hard time changing my eating habits.

I'm an emotional eater and my tendency to overeat has grown over the years. I have the knowledge on what I need to do to lose weight. I've had the motivation off and on as well, but continue to run into obstacles. At the first sign of stress I'm in my kitchen shoveling food into my mouth.

I've tried going it alone, Weight Watchers and the gym. All of these things have worked for me in the past. The biggest obstacle is myself. Life gets too hard so I just check out.

Well, I've had it. It's time to do something about my weight. I've said all of this before, but all I can do is keep trying. Having said that though you may be wondering what sparked the need for change this time around. The answer is simple and nothing I have never said before. I want to be healthy and be able to keep up with my kids. I have a great life, great family and great friends. I want to feel good about myself too!

I went to the doctor yesterday. I spoke with the doctor and asked to be prescribed with Meridia. The doctor agreed and wrote the prescription. I filled it right away. You're probably wondering what Meridia is. It is an orally administered agent for the treatment of obesity, as an appetite suppressant. The prescription itself is very expensive when you don't have a drug plan. My hope is that the pills combined with the knowledge of how much I'm paying for the prescription will give me that much needed kick in the pants. The hardest part is always starting a routine and sticking with it even when life gets stressful.

The pills are not a quick fix. I still have a long road ahead of me with a lot of work to do. I'm going to lay it all out there. As of this morning I weigh 241.4 lbs. I have four goals for the next month:

• Weigh ONLY once a week. My weigh day is going to be Sunday mornings.
• Eat more fruit and vegetables. I've already gone grocery shopping and pre-sliced the fruit and veg. I find it much easier to choose healthier food when it's already prepared for you.
• Walk at least 30 minutes everyday. I've been quite stagnant lately and need to get back into some sort of exercise routine. I will increase the intensity as time goes on.
  
• Stay encouraged even when progress is slow. If I slip up, I won't use it as an excuse to eat MORE food.
  

Thank you for reading and for your encouragement in the journey we call Life. I hope to write every day or every couple of days. Stay tuned for more updates and please feel free to leave comments. I enjoy hearing from all of you.

eLLe