From Mad Ramblings to Clarity

WARNING: Female content below.

I debated posting my ramblings of a mad woman from yesterday,  but decided I would save you from the crazy rant and just give you a brief overview.

It started Sunday night. I hit a severe low. I went to bed and cried and cried. My poor husband didn't know what to do. He's a fixer. Try explaining that you don't know what's wrong to a fixer. It doesn't work very well. Still, he held me and thats what I needed.

My low mood continued throughout most of yesterday. I've known something was off for a while. It seems to come and go. I spent time writing all of my crazy thoughts down and I talked with two of my closest friends. They don't sugar coat it for me and tell me when I'm being ridiculous. Making a doctor appointment was strongly suggested. Which I did. I go on May 9th.

By the time I got to making the appointment it started to dawn on me. All of these problems that I have relate back to one thing, my period. It seems I have yet again "forgotten" that I have a real medical diagnosis. I have premenstrual dysohoric disorder (PMDD). I'd somehow convinced myself that by losing weight, lowering my caffeine intake and eating healthy all my symptoms would go away. I'd also convinced myself the only trouble I had with my period was just the heavy flow which I've mostly been managing. The thing is there's so much more to it than a heavy flow. My mood fluctuations, my food cravings, migraines, and even the times I'm downright exhausted to the nights I can't get to sleep. All of these can be explained by PMDD.

I don't want to use PMDD as an excuse and I think that's why I go back to thinking it's just all my fault that I can't control these things. Which leads me to feeling like I'm failing at life or that I'm somehow deficient as a human being. Why can't I get my act together? What is so wrong with me that I continue to fail at these things.

In remembering that I have PMDD it helps me to see that I'm not some horrible person who enjoys causing havoc in my home or annoying my friends with yet another crazy rambling. I'm sure ny friends say to themselves "Oh, there she goes again" *insert eye roll here*.

So, all of this to say: Hi! My name is Elle and I have PMDD.

I'm going to act accordingly and work on managing my PMDD as a whole,  not as separate problems. I will try my best not to use it as an excuse for being an unpleasant human being at times. But if I've got a bit of a 'tude please, forgive me.

Here's and excerpt from a website, Medicine Plus, that explains PMDD:

The causes of PMS and PMDD have not been found.

Hormone changes that occur during a woman's menstrual cycle may play a role.

PMDD affects between 3% and 8% of women during the years when they are having menstrual periods.

Many women with this condition have:

Anxiety
Severe depression
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD)

Other factors that may play a role include:

Alcohol abuse
Being overweight
Drinking large amounts of caffeine
Having a mother with a history of the disorder

Symptoms

The symptoms of PMDD are similar to those of PMS. However, they are generally more severe and debilitating and include a least one mood-related symptom. Symptoms occur during the week just before menstrual bleeding and usually improve within a few days after the period starts.

Five or more of the following symptoms must be present to diagnose PMDD, including one mood-related symptom:

No interest in daily activities and relationships
Feeling of sadness or hopelessness, possible suicidal thoughts
Food cravings or binge eating
Mood swings with periods of crying
Panic attacks
Irritability or anger that affects other people
Physical symptoms, such as bloating, breast tenderness, headaches, and joint or muscle pain
Problems sleeping
Trouble concentrating

Treatment

A healthy lifestyle is the first step to managing PMDD.

Eat healthy foods with more whole grains, vegetables, fruit, and little or no salt, sugar, alcohol, and caffeine.

Get regular aerobic exercise throughout the month to redue the severity of PMS symptoms.

If you have problems sleeping, try changing your sleep habits before taking medicines for insomnia.

Keep a diary or calendar to record:
The type of symptoms you are having

Antidepressants may be helpful.

The first option is usually an antidepressant known as a selective serotonin-reuptake inhibitor (SSRI). You can take SSRIs in the second part of your cycle up until your period starts, or for the whole month. Ask your doctor.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) may be used either with or instead of antidepressants. During CBT, you have about 10 visits with a mental health professional over several weeks.

Other treatments that may help include:
Birth control pills may decrease or increase PMS symptoms, including depression
Diuretics may be useful for women who gain a lot of weight from fluid retention
Nutritional supplements -- such as vitamin B6, calcium, and magnesium -- may be recommended

Other medicines (such as Depo-Lupron) suppress the ovaries and ovulation

Pain relievers such as aspirin or ibuprofen may be prescribed for headache, backache, menstrual cramping and breast tenderness

Oooooooooom

Dear Hormonal Self,

This is your Rational Self talking. I know it's really hard to hear me through all of the buzzing in your head. Try and focus on the sound of my voice. Your hormones are raging but that doesn't mean you have to be IN a rage.

The people around you are not being extra douchey. I know it seems like it, but trust me it's just your hormonal eyes.

Take some deep breaths and focus on what is rational. Instead of exploding outwardly - keep it in...your family will appreciate it...and you'll manage to keep your job.

I looked up a mantra to help you through.

Ma-Ra-Na-Tha

It means, "Come Lord".

Give it a try today and let's see if we can't keep it together.

Yours Truly,

Rational Self

Faith Restored in Health Care

A bottle of 50 200mg Advil caplets (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As many of you know I have premenstrual dysphoric disorder, (PMDD) - which is basically PMS to the extreme (only it's more than that). This has led me to having low iron. Lately, I've been extremely tired and getting headaches more than usual. As a result I've been feeling really down which I partially attribute to seasonal depression. However, the tiredness is really the big issue more so than my crazy emotions. After having (let's call it) an episode I had a long talk with my husband. We decided on a plan of action to get me out of this funk. By the way, I'm a very lucky woman...just sayin.

This morning I decided to suck it up and call the doctor to make an appointment. Seasonal depression aside I'm exhausted all the time. I could probably sleep sitting up and have been napping almost every day. So, I called the clinic at 9:45 this morning and was asked if I could come in for 11:15. My first response was "Today?????" Sure enough, yes, today. I arrived about 11:10 for my appointment and  sat in the waiting room for all of 3 minutes before they called my name. They took my weight and height and then I waited maybe 10 minutes in the room before the doctor came in. I really can't be sure how long I waited because my husband had borrowed my phone. The doctor is super friendly and I'm so glad I went to see her. She gave me some helpful info and sent me for blood work. By the way, DID YOU KNOW that Advil helps reduce menstrual flow! Since I didn't have to fast for my blood work I decided to get it done right away. I went to the blood lab who took me immediately with no waiting at all. My 11:15 appointment plus blood work was all finished with me back in the car by 11:50! This is unheard of for me. With my old doctor it would take a month or so to get an appointment and then 2 hours at least before he could see me for my "scheduled" time.

So, now we wait for the results of my blood work. I'll keep you posted.

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5 ways to cope with PMDD

Premenstrual dysphoric  disorder (PMDD) is an intense form of PMS or as I like to put it PMS to the extreme! They say it only affects 3 - 8 per cent of women. Honestly I don't believe the numbers. The more I talk to women about PMDD the more I find with the same symptoms.  Symptoms include persistent irritability, anger, tension, depression, fatigue, food cravings, headaches and some major mood swings. There are other symptoms, but I think you get the idea. Women living with PMDD really struggle with their daily lives.

Speaking from personal experience, this affects all of my relationships. I WANT to stop being angry and irritable but just can't do it. (And no it's not because I haven't tried hard enough.) Having said that there are way to try and make it through without pulling out all of your hair.

1. Medication: This could be birth control, antidepressants,  Nutritional supplements, or herbal remedies. I've tried both antidepressants and birth control. The antidepressants worked fine but I had benefits at the time and only had to pay a fraction of the cost. I've been taking Yaz for a little more than a year. I still have some really rough months but I'm not feeling the symptoms for 3 out of 4 weeks every month. Now it's really a few days before my period and I often forget that's why I'm so cranky.

2. Diet: No I don't mean you need to go on a diet, but from the many articles and blogs I've come across, eating healthier can really help. Some people go into great detail to avoid very specific foods. I find when I completely avoid certain foods I end up bingeing. So, while I can see the benefits to limiting caffeine and sugar I personally won't give it all up….I'd totally lose my mind… Try eating balanced meals and I'm sure you'll notice a decline in your  symptoms.

3. Exercise: What can I say? Exercise can help a great many ailments. Check out the benefits of weight lifting. You don't have to go all out and purchase a gym membership a simple walk around the neighborhood can be really effective. I say this, but I know it can be very hard to workout when you just want to curl into a ball on the floor. Try whatever works for you. For me, I have to force myself to workout and then I always feel 100 times better. 

4. Support: This is a big one. We as women need to open up more, the more we talk about problems like PMS, PMDD, Depression the easier it gets for others to open up too. There's such a stigma with mood disorders - it's frustrating. Be open with your family, let them know when you're starting to feel your mood change.  Last but not least seek medical attention. Find what works best for you. If you come across anyone that doesn't believe PMDD exists, seek another opinion! I had one doctor roll his eyes at me. I did eventually find a doctor that took me seriously. Life isn't perfect, I still struggle, but as I mentioned before it's more manageable. 

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Dog Days of Summer

Image by Today is a good day via Flickr

Welcome to a new week of Being Elle. I'm taking on a new format this week, so please bear with me as I work out the bugs (aka my head). Each post will have a theme depending on which day of the week it is. Monday's will be either parenting or PMDD. As life would have it, today's post is on parenting.

We celebrated my eldest son's 9th birthday on Saturday. The last two weeks he's been at his dad's during the weekdays. I honestly didn't think I'd have a problem with it, but the reality of him not being here every day has turned me into an emotional wreck. He's gone for one more week and then life will get back to normal. 

For the last 4 years I've been working full time and my husband has been the stay at home parent. My contract ended mid-February and I've been at home since. My husband re-entered the workforce (quite successfully) about 2 months ago. I was quite excited to have the summer off and spend time with the kids. 

Well, summer is half over and I had a complete melt down this morning. As my husband so kindly pointed out to me, this is the first time I've been at home full time with the kids (other than maternity leave). It's challenging to work full time and come home to take over...but it's so much more difficult being home 24/7, especially during the summer. We have no set schedule, the kids want to be outside ALL the time...who knew one could get sick of being outside?! Sure, I have a nice tan, but nothing gets done in the house. How do people do it? Really, I'm asking...how do you do it?

The other problem I'm facing with my kids is all the fighting. I'm an only child so I really don't understand the sibling dynamic. I have three kids - ages 9, 6, and 4. I've been told by friends that it's just normal, but  how do you manage your kids fighting? I'd love to hear how you cope with your kids fighting, please leave a comment below or message me directly. 

Have a good night and stay tuned for Training Tuesday!

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PMDD Rears It's Ugly Head...Again

WARNING - FEMALE CONTENT 

Good evening folks. Sorry I haven't posted in a while. For those of you who've followed my blog for a while you know that I have Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). For the most part it's under check by taking the birth control Yaz, but from time to time I get a really heavy period that leaves me completely exhausted. 

This was one of those months. I've been on edge, extremely "crabby" (which is putting it politely) and totally exhausted. I haven't had a bad month is quite a while. Sometimes I forget that I have PMDD and then a bad month creeps up and I'm left completely drained. 

For those of you who are wondering what the heck PMDD is - let me explain. It's like PMS to the extreme. Take all the symptoms of normal PMS and multiply it. Before being on the pill it was like I was depressed and completely crazy for 3 out 4 weeks every month. Doctors suggested I take anti-depressants but I'd always ask them how many people with depression get a week off every month? It's not just the hormones that are worse, it's also physically worse. My periods last longer and are a lot heavier than the norm. 

Here is an excerpt from Wikipedia that explains PMDD more clearly: 

PMDD is a severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Like less severe forms of PMS, premenstrual dysphoric disorder always follows a predictable, cyclic pattern. Symptoms always begin in the late luteal phase of the menstrual cycle (after ovulation) and always end completely shortly after menstruation begins.

Emotional symptoms are always present, and in PMDD, mood symptoms are dominant. Substantial disruption to personal relationships is typical for women with PMDD. The cardinal symptom—always surfacing between ovulation and menstruation, and always disappearing within a few days after the onset of the bleeding—is irritability. Anxiety, anger, and depression may also occur. The main symptoms, which can be disabling, include:

• feelings of deep sadness or despair, possible suicide ideation

• feelings of tension or anxiety

• increased sensitivity to rejection or criticism

• panic attacks

• mood swings, crying

• lasting irritability or anger, increased interpersonal conflicts; typically sufferers are unaware of the impact they have on those close to them

• apathy or disinterest in daily activities and relationships

• difficulty concentrating

• fatigue

• food cravings or binge eating

• insomnia or hypersomnia; sleeping more than usual, or (in a smaller group of sufferers) being unable to sleep

• feeling overwhelmed or feelings of being out of control

• increase or decrease in sex drive

• increased need for emotional closeness

I can't imagine how my family puts up with me when it's this bad. I'm blessed and thankful that they DO put up with me. I think they must chalk it up to being "Mommy's crazy week". Needless to say, I have not worked out this week. I just couldn't do it. Having said that I will not use this week as an excuse to completely stop working out. Expect a post from me on Monday after my workout. 

Kick A$$!!

Image via Wikipedia

Holla Peeps! Here I am! Did you miss me again? I know, I know..it's been two weeks since my last post. I have good news though! I haven't given up.

The motivation thing totally struck a chord with me and I haven't been relying on motivation. I've been dragging my butt to my homemade gym and working out.Out of the last 27 days I have worked out 14 of those days! As most of my loyal followers know this is HUGE for me! I tend to do well for a few days and then let something get in the way. Not this time. I'm still at it and just in time too, winter is around the corner. I think I'll do well this winter since I'm already setup with my workouts.

Most of my workouts are from 20-40 minutes depending on the day. I've got 4 workouts that I do regularly - two upper body and two lower body. I discovered a different way of doing cardio at home without a machine. I'm currently only doing about 10 minutes of cardio per workout and I do plan to increase that time but for now that 10 minutes is kicking my behind. I've narrowed it down to a circuit of 4 exercises - toe taps (20), froggy jumps (10), wall push-ups (20) and jump squats (10). I'm trying to add a fourth set of the circuit but I'm not there yet. I'm heaving by the end of my circuit. I then immediately go into my weight training.

I've hurt myself a few times trying to get my routine down. I've discarded a few exercises which just aren't for me...like step jumping jacks....such a bad idea! Let's just say I lack landing control which leads to some major pain!

This month I've been focused on exercise and just getting it done. I'm so pleased to report that it's working for me. Now, I have to concentrate on calories. While I have been tracking my calories I haven't been very diligent with remaining within my daily calories.

I'm not sure if I mentioned it in my last post, but I had a run in with my PMDD this month. So, over the course of the last month's birth control pill pack I missed four pills. Let me tell you I discovered how vital that little pill is to my sanity. I went back to my crazy PMDD self for 2 weeks, all because I missed four pills. I make sure I take my purse with me everywhere I go now. At least I can say lesson learned, birth control is vital to my sanity and quality of life.

You Are My Sunshine!

Image via Wikipedia

I just had to share with you all today that I'm in such a super awesome mood! I'm going on vacation tomorrow to be in one of my dearest friend's weddings! I had my hair fixed last night by an amazing stylist! I started taking Yaz so I feel like I'm actually DOING something about my PMDD! Don't worry I know I wouldn't feel it's effects yet. I'm just happy to be trying something to help manage the PMDD. It's days like today that remind me I am NOT depressed. This is NOT depression. I'm currently in the good weeks, I've got until somewhere around the 18th before The Crazies set in again. 

OH! So, I find as I get older the more girlie I get. Okay, feminine I'm too old for girlie. This weekend my lil sis came by and showed me how to do my makeup for the wedding. I mean I wear makeup but the bare essentials, eye liner and mascara. I've never been confident enough to put eye liner on the top of my lid so she showed me how. She also made me promise to practice every day. Thank you Dre. I think I've got the hang of it and I'm liking it!! I still haven't been confident enough to put liner on the outside of my bottom lid, but that's okay. I came up with my own style. Liner on outside of the top lid and liner on the inside of the bottom one. I like it and I think that's what matters. I'll even wear color on my lips the day of the wedding! Ha ha that's huge for me!

Anyhoo, this is probably my last post until after my vacation. Pray for safe travels for those of us traveling to Pennsylvania and back. 

I love you all! Smile and have a great week/weekend!

~PEACE~

More on PMDD - Yaz It Up!

Image via Wikipedia

Well, I finally did it; I met my mum-in-law's doctor. The doctor seems nice enough and I found it easier to talk to a female doctor about my PMDD. Although, I did have to explain what it was - which kind of caught me off guard. You expect a doctor to just know everything which is totally unrealistic, but we still expect it. 

I should have gone in there with a definition of PMDD because I'm sure I missed something. She thinks I should be on anti-depressants, but I stressed that I do not have benefits. So, we're going to try me on Yaz birth control for 3 months. I'll go back to see her in 2 months to see how things are going. I guess she'll decide at that time if she wants to officially take me as a patient. She said she'd take me on for now. I have no idea what that means, but I'll take it since I currently have no doctor. Besides she gave me 3 months of trial packs of Yaz - free!

It still amazes me that medical professionals don't believe certain illnesses/disorders do not exist because there is no blood test to prove it. It's like Fibromyalgia - a lot of doctors still think it's in a patients head. With PMDD they think it's just PMS. 

I tried to explain that my symptoms are only surrounding my period. The week or so before to a few days after my period. My "normal" time I'm relatively happy and thankful for my life. How is that depression? Isn't depression ALL the time? Not just surrounding your period? 

Now, I know there's no miracle cure, but I'm feeling hopeful to actually be trying something to relieve my symptoms. I've read a lot of information on Yaz. Yes, even the lawsuit stuff about how the commercials are misleading women to think that all of their symptoms will be gone. I never expected they'd all be gone and I still don't expect Yaz to "cure" me but if it helps relieve some or most of my symptoms it's worth a try isn't it? I've also read a lot of comments on other women's success/failure with Yaz. Looking at them as a whole it seems the women Yaz didn't work for generally have problems with any birth control pill. I know it's been many years since I've taken anything but I don't recall any trouble when I took birth control before.

I've also read how many women developed PMDD after getting their tubes tied, which is when mine started as well. When I mentioned this to the doctor she dismissed it since tubaligation does not affect your hormones. Now, I admit I always had bad periods (at least at the time I thought they were bad). They always lasted the full 7 days and they were always heavy (again what I thought was heavy at the time). 

I have a theory. My theory is that it is ALL related. I mean I started my period shortly before my 9th birthday and I'm now 30. I've had 3 babies and had my tubes tied. Add to that my weight. You put all of those things together and I think the tubaligation threw my body out of whack. When many women go through similar things I don't think a doctor can discount it just because the procedure itself doesn't affect hormones.

Doctors are smart, but diagnosing an illness is not the same as living with it. Ask the husband of any PMDD affected woman and he'll tell you this is not regular PMS. Ask the children of moms with PMDD. 

- sigh- 

My poor kids. I wonder if they think I hate them. It seems I'm always so frustrated with them. All I ever do is yell (or cry for that matter).

TO ALL THE DOCTORS OUT THERE:

PMDD exists! I don't care how many of you try to pawn it off as depression. This is not depression. Anti-depressants will only help so much. You can't treat just one of the symptoms. You have to treat it for what it is. It IS Premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Try to listen to your patients. Don't roll your eyes. Broaden your horizons and maybe read up on an illness/disorder you don't know much about. That is the best way to truly help your patient.

I know my thoughts are kind of all over the place, but hey that's how my brain works. I will keep you posted on how things go with Yaz. For now, I've got to kick my butt into high gear. I've got a wedding to go to! I leave Thursday morning and I haven't started packing yet. I did pull out the suitcase which is usually half the battle. Have a great day. 

Oh and my new mantra.... Let Go - Let God. When I get super stressed out I repeat this to myself.So, my friends do not worry about anything - Let Go and Let God.

The Guilt Within

Cover of The Crazies

Why is it as parents, as human beings we feel guilty over everything?! I know I can't trust my emotions right now, that I'm in full PMDD swing, but it all starts somewhere doesn't it? I mean really the reasons I get upset are valid it's my overreaction to everything that's not. 

So here it is...I feel like I'm this monster of a mom and while I know right now I'm overreacting I also know that I'm right. The television is my substitute. This week I can't be in the same room as my kids for long without something setting me off. I gave the kids a bath tonight and when the boys ignored my request for them to turn around and face me so I could wash their hair I yelled. Literally hurting my throat trying to get their attention. So valid in that the kids were ignoring me but my overreaction was totally not valid. Herein-lies the problem of my monster within. 

How do people do it? When they get really stressed out? How do they cope with still having to get through the day to day stuff? How does one calmly put her kids to bed without screaming at the top of her lungs? I miss being able to sing to them and say good night.

Guilt is everywhere. From little things like spending any money on something just for yourself, putting aside a friend you're too busy to see, procrastinating at all those little things that need to get done, to the big stuff like going on a trip and leaving the kids with your spouse. A lot of people have guilt over the past and can't let it go. Or guilt for the future. Guilt is everywhere. 

With PMDD I have the extra guilt from when my emotions get out of control and I snap. Today is one of those days. I've started calling days like today the crazies, as in it's just the crazies or the crazies have me.

With all of this I know what most of you are thinking, why don't you go see your doctor? Well, I tried in September. I called the doctor but it was going to take over a month to see him. Finally in December I find a new doctor and go see him. When I told him about the PMDD he rolled his eyes! I know he's a man, but really?! Then I went back to ignoring the problem. Well, as things have been steadily getting worse I knew I needed to go to the doctor. I called my original doctor to find out Hey he's no longer practicing! So, my mum-in-law went to see her doc recently (a FEMALE doctor!) and she asked her to take me on. The doctor agreed and I have an appointment June 7th. Wish me luck! I'm going to talk to her about many things, the main one being PMDD.

I often joke that I need a break from my kids. I came to a realization tonight. The truth of the matter is that I don't need a break from the kids what I really need is a break from myself. With that thought, I'm off to have a nice long shower and then watch this weeks episode of Glee.