March 21: Refresh (Chapter Eleven)

This post is part of the Balanced challenge with Tricia Goyer—and you can join, too!

Don’t think balance will happen overnight—or even over an eleven-day challenge. It takes practice, and practice takes time. Spend a few minutes reviewing what you’ve learned throughout this challenge and what you hope to continue implementing in your life. Then blog about how you can keep persevering and working toward balance after the challenge has ended. Share encouragement for those who might feel they’ve failed at balance.

As I'm sure you've discovered the dream of a completely balance life does not exist. Life is a series of constant changes. Some days you'll feel like you've achieved balance only to have disaster strike the next day. You're not alone. Dare I say, you're even normal.

Over the past eleven days I've had my ups and downs. I had days that I could write and write and other days I wondered why I signed up for this challenge. In the end, I am glad that I've taken the time to do each challenge. I've learned a lot and I hope I maintain most of that knowledge. I thought I'd finish up with a brief overview of my Balanced Challenge.

Day 1
Make your family a priority. Take a look at what is most important to you as a family. What do you want to accomplish as a family? Where do you see yourself in five or ten years? For my family, I hope that we be close as the kids grow older.

Day 2
Find ways to make working at home work for you. Create your own space to work in. Make it comfortable, inspiring and functional.

Day 3
How can you get your kids involved in what you do? Get inspiration from your children or ask them for ideas. Explain what it is you're doing.

Day 4
Believe God. God made you uniquely you. He gave you gifts that no one else has. Believe that God gave you these gifts for a reason and use them for His glory.

Day 5
Create a schedule by ranking your priorities. What is truly important? What has to be done? What are you doing just because you think other's expect you to?

Day 6
Do what you can. Use those small windows of time to be productive. Sweep the floor, fold a load of laundry, fill the sink with soapy water for the dishes to soak.

Day 7
Seek Support. It's okay to ask for help. It's even okay to hire help where needed. The upkeep for a family is a lot of work and doesn't need to fall on the shoulders of one person.

Day 8
Make your day amazing! Give thanks to God for your blessings. Sing His praises. Take the time to appreciate each member of your family for being unique. I had a mini dance party with my 6.5 year old daughter.

Day 9
Find inspiration and rest. There is F.R.E.E.D.O.M. in following your dreams. I am finding peace and joy in researching my dream!

Day 10
Eight. What are your eight life themes? What matters most to you? Music. Family. People. God. Friendship. Play. Laugh. Appreciate.

Day 11
Know that there will be ups and downs. True balance comes within. Let go of the things that really don't matter in the long run. Remember to go to God first instead of as a last resort. Spend quality time with the people you love and delegate whatever you can. Live in peace even through the chaos of our every changing lives.




Big Changes and a Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day card (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It's been so long, I'm not sure where to start. I feel completely out of practice. First things first...I've come back to Blogger. Trying to maintain my own site was too complicated with my life right now. It was fun when I was working on it, but the reality becomes I just don't have the time. At least here on Blogger I can just write and I'm pretty sure that was the whole point in blogging. If I can manage blogging once a week I'll be happy. 

You must all be wondering what happened to me? If you recall, I've been in school since September in the Addictions and Community Service Worker program. Friday marked my last official day of class! Tomorrow is my big comprehensive exam that covers a little bit of everything we've studied. Wednesday I start my eight week placement at the Elizabeth Fry Society. Like I said, big changes! 

It's an exciting time full of emotions. I'm happy, sad, nervous and anxious all at the same time. I'm going to miss the people I've grown close to, although I'm sure this is not the end to our friendships! I'm relieved that I've passed all of my courses and at last check I'm sitting around 86% overall. Who knew I could pull off taking a heavy course load as a wife and mother of 3 and still manage 86%? 

There's still a lot to catch up on, but for now this will have to do. I've got a career to start! Have a wonderful day.

Happy Mother's Day!

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Procrastination

Good Morning.

So, I procrastinated today. I slept in till 5:50, did the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen, took out the recycling, and then left myself with about 10 minutes to read my bible.

Let me back up a little... I did fairly well with the eating yesterday, but I went to Wal-Mart to grab a couple of things we'd missed in school supplies. For the record this was the WORST idea ever. Never go to Wal-Mart the day AFTER Labor Day AND the first day of school! It was a mad house and not just there, but everywhere...add to that heavy rain and traffic...no fun. I really wanted Starbucks and went there after shopping. Traffic was insane, but I was all yea coffee, till I turned the corner through the drive through and saw the sign that said the debit machine was out. I waited and waited to get OUT of the drive through and decided I'd get money out at the RBC which is right beside Starbucks...waited and waited...and then parked too far from their weird messed up machine. So, I gave up and TRIED to go home, again with the traffic.

I got home and was in such a foul mood..no strike that I was ANGRY! I then gave the kids a bath together, cuz I wasn't in the mood for waiting around. I get all the kids to bed and of course they keep messing around. We went into the basement hoping that ignoring them would work...instead the kids kept coming down. I gave up and tried to go to bed myself, but I was NOT tired at 9 pm and that just made me angrier which led me to start thinking about ice cream. I then went on a mission to find said ice cream...two stores later I ate two giants cups of peppermint fudge crackle felt better AND worse.

OK, back to this morning. I procrastinated reading the bible because I knew I hadn't been feeling very Christ-like last night. I believe I even cursed out a few people while driving. Although, normally I just say screw it and eat whatever I want for the next week and completely ignore my bible. So, I'm happy to say that I'm still on track. I didn't read much, but I did read John 17. Here are the excerpts that stood out for me today:

³Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.

¹⁵My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.

²²I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: ²³I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. 

I find it extremely hard fully believe I can be loved like that by God. I know it, but at times emotionally I can't believe it. From time to time I still wonder why my husband loves me or why my friends love me. Then I remind myself that if they didn't care, they wouldn't be in my life. So, I must be doing something right for all these people to care about me, especially people not related to me. 

They care about me for me not because they "have" to. There's a saying that blood is thicker than water. I find it's usually family that uses this term as a way to make one feel guilty. I've surrounded myself with my OWN family. The one I've chosen. There was a time my family and I weren't getting along and we had no contact. It was during this time that I found ways of surrounding myself with the family of my own choosing. The friends who're like sisters or brothers to me. 

My church became a big part of my family. These "strangers" have helped me (and now us) through so much. I'm eternally grateful for them and I'm eternally grateful to God for pushing me in the direction of Barrhaven Fellowship. I stood one day at the railway tracks on Jockvale Road debating between Barrhaven United and Barrhaven Fellowship. I'd already been to the United once and nothing really stood out there. So, with some urging from God I crossed the road and was greeted by the most amazing people who I'm proud to call my family. 

Wow, so not sure where that all came from today... See this is why blogging is good, stuff comes out that you weren't expecting.

I'll leave you with pictures I took of the kids yesterday.

Have a great day! 

The Guilt Within

Cover of The Crazies

Why is it as parents, as human beings we feel guilty over everything?! I know I can't trust my emotions right now, that I'm in full PMDD swing, but it all starts somewhere doesn't it? I mean really the reasons I get upset are valid it's my overreaction to everything that's not. 

So here it is...I feel like I'm this monster of a mom and while I know right now I'm overreacting I also know that I'm right. The television is my substitute. This week I can't be in the same room as my kids for long without something setting me off. I gave the kids a bath tonight and when the boys ignored my request for them to turn around and face me so I could wash their hair I yelled. Literally hurting my throat trying to get their attention. So valid in that the kids were ignoring me but my overreaction was totally not valid. Herein-lies the problem of my monster within. 

How do people do it? When they get really stressed out? How do they cope with still having to get through the day to day stuff? How does one calmly put her kids to bed without screaming at the top of her lungs? I miss being able to sing to them and say good night.

Guilt is everywhere. From little things like spending any money on something just for yourself, putting aside a friend you're too busy to see, procrastinating at all those little things that need to get done, to the big stuff like going on a trip and leaving the kids with your spouse. A lot of people have guilt over the past and can't let it go. Or guilt for the future. Guilt is everywhere. 

With PMDD I have the extra guilt from when my emotions get out of control and I snap. Today is one of those days. I've started calling days like today the crazies, as in it's just the crazies or the crazies have me.

With all of this I know what most of you are thinking, why don't you go see your doctor? Well, I tried in September. I called the doctor but it was going to take over a month to see him. Finally in December I find a new doctor and go see him. When I told him about the PMDD he rolled his eyes! I know he's a man, but really?! Then I went back to ignoring the problem. Well, as things have been steadily getting worse I knew I needed to go to the doctor. I called my original doctor to find out Hey he's no longer practicing! So, my mum-in-law went to see her doc recently (a FEMALE doctor!) and she asked her to take me on. The doctor agreed and I have an appointment June 7th. Wish me luck! I'm going to talk to her about many things, the main one being PMDD.

I often joke that I need a break from my kids. I came to a realization tonight. The truth of the matter is that I don't need a break from the kids what I really need is a break from myself. With that thought, I'm off to have a nice long shower and then watch this weeks episode of Glee.

Toes

Image via Wikipedia

So, last night I'm getting my kids ready for bed and throwing all the dirty clothes in the laundry room. I went to turn around and leave the kids bathroom when I caught my pinky toe on the bathroom door. After the initial blinding pain was over and I'd managed to sit down I looked at my toe. I then looked at my other toe to compare because the one I stubbed on the door looked funny.

Then I got creeped out because I was sure the toe was broken - my pinky toe was pointing in a way it shouldn't. As I tried NOT to look at my toe and tried to "walk it off" I realized this was more painful than the other times I've severely bruised my stupid pinky toe.

I had my son go get the phone so I could call my husband - poor guy rarely goes out and I call him home. Then I proceeded to put the boys to bed while hoping on one foot. Crawled up two flights of stairs and put Riley to bed too. Luckily they all went down without a fuss. Ben stopped at his parents and picked up his mom. My mother in law Kathy took me to emerg while Ben stayed home with the kids.

I hopped into the emerg and eventually ended up in a wheel chair because according to the nurse "X-Ray is too many hops". We waited a lot which I expected since a broken toe isn't really an emergency. Eventually we saw the doc and she showed me my X-Ray. My toe was dislocated with a possible fracture. So, she proceeds to tell me there are two ways of doing this. One is to have two needles stuck into my foot to numb the area first. The other is grin and bear it while she pops it back in place. I'm like let's just get it done and over with. (The idea of the needles creeped me out.)

So, doc takes me into an observation room and tells me to hold onto something and proceeds to pop my toe back in place and then tape them up. Then it was back to X-Ray to make sure it was back in place and straight.

Sure enough everything is back in place and I got to see the X-Ray to prove it. Also, since this one shows another angle we see that my toe is in fact broken, but not badly. Treatment is the same either way. Keep the toe taped up and it should heal in 3-4 weeks.

Kathy went to get the car and here was the real test...putting pressure on it for the first time since it was popped back in place and tapped. What's this? I CAN WALK! The poor guy with the leg in a brace must have thought I was crazy! In total we were only at the hospital for 3 hours which considering my toe is now in the right place and I can walk isn't too bad! It doesn't even hurt too badly today.

I have not yet tried to put shoes on, but I'm working from home Monday - Thursday so I think I'll wait until I absolutely have to! Looks like I'm going to have to wait on running for a bit.

Spring has Sprung!

Hello Spring! How I've missed you!

Isn't it wonderful? The days are brighter, the weather is warmer, the snow is almost gone and it hasn't even been slushy! Can you believe it's already the middle of March?! It feels like waking up from the darkness of despair and coming out into the light of life!

With the nice weather comes the urge to get out and get some exercise. Last night we all went for a walk after

dinner. It wasn't a very fast walk or very far but it was nice to be outside and spend time together as a family.

This weekend was super productive, I realize now I must have been spring cleaning without meaning to. We've had a lot of trouble getting Riley to sleep over the past month. Seems to be since she got sick in February first with the flu then with a cold. It got to the point even if she woke in the middle of the night she refused to go back to bed.

Friday night was bad, I thought I'd finally worked out a new routine with her, but she woke at 3 am and started freaking out when I wanted her to go back to sleep. It was then I realized the real problem and that's the neighbors. They're young and were having a party. It wasn't a loud party by any real standards, but Riley's room is right above the front door. So, Saturday I set out to switch Riley's room with my office and she's slept well ever since! She loves her new room and even plays in it. In the process I organized my office which in itself is HUGE!

Well, as you know it's March. October is only 7 months away. That means I've got 7 months to get in shape for the CIBC Run for the Cure 2010! Check out my donation page. I'm not sure when they switch everything over to a new year, but I'm already preparing. So, to get started I'm going to follow an About.com program 3 Weeks to a 30-Minute Running Habit.

Day 1: Let's Get Started

Today's run: Start with a 5-10 minute warm-up walk. Run 1/1 x 10. (Run 1 minute, walk 1 minute, ten times, for a total of 20 minutes.) Finish up with a 5-10 minute cool-down walk. Remember to take it easy and don't worry about your pace at all.

I'll let you know how it goes!