Healthy Granola Bar Fail

Happy Hump Day! Yep, it's Wednesday and the week is half over. Since, I'm currently looking for work I decided now would be a good time to focus on healthy eating. I made my first batch of granola bars. As with most things I make I detoured from the recipe and made it my own. 

Homemade Fruit & Pecan Granola Bars

Upon trying them for the first time I realize these are not so healthy...they are way too sweet and coming from me that IS really sweet. Since one of my goals is to try and cut down on sugar these definitely do not help achieve that goal. Lesson learned. If a granola recipe calls for a cup of brown sugar just don't do it! 

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The Guilt Within

Cover of The Crazies

Why is it as parents, as human beings we feel guilty over everything?! I know I can't trust my emotions right now, that I'm in full PMDD swing, but it all starts somewhere doesn't it? I mean really the reasons I get upset are valid it's my overreaction to everything that's not. 

So here it is...I feel like I'm this monster of a mom and while I know right now I'm overreacting I also know that I'm right. The television is my substitute. This week I can't be in the same room as my kids for long without something setting me off. I gave the kids a bath tonight and when the boys ignored my request for them to turn around and face me so I could wash their hair I yelled. Literally hurting my throat trying to get their attention. So valid in that the kids were ignoring me but my overreaction was totally not valid. Herein-lies the problem of my monster within. 

How do people do it? When they get really stressed out? How do they cope with still having to get through the day to day stuff? How does one calmly put her kids to bed without screaming at the top of her lungs? I miss being able to sing to them and say good night.

Guilt is everywhere. From little things like spending any money on something just for yourself, putting aside a friend you're too busy to see, procrastinating at all those little things that need to get done, to the big stuff like going on a trip and leaving the kids with your spouse. A lot of people have guilt over the past and can't let it go. Or guilt for the future. Guilt is everywhere. 

With PMDD I have the extra guilt from when my emotions get out of control and I snap. Today is one of those days. I've started calling days like today the crazies, as in it's just the crazies or the crazies have me.

With all of this I know what most of you are thinking, why don't you go see your doctor? Well, I tried in September. I called the doctor but it was going to take over a month to see him. Finally in December I find a new doctor and go see him. When I told him about the PMDD he rolled his eyes! I know he's a man, but really?! Then I went back to ignoring the problem. Well, as things have been steadily getting worse I knew I needed to go to the doctor. I called my original doctor to find out Hey he's no longer practicing! So, my mum-in-law went to see her doc recently (a FEMALE doctor!) and she asked her to take me on. The doctor agreed and I have an appointment June 7th. Wish me luck! I'm going to talk to her about many things, the main one being PMDD.

I often joke that I need a break from my kids. I came to a realization tonight. The truth of the matter is that I don't need a break from the kids what I really need is a break from myself. With that thought, I'm off to have a nice long shower and then watch this weeks episode of Glee.

My Garden

It's that time of year when everyone goes gardening crazy. This year I joined in on the fun. This is the first time I've ever had my own garden. I've planted and weeded gardens before but never from inception. I also haven't had a back yard in a very long time. 

I sat down one day and planned out what I wanted to do in the back yard. Then I borrowed a friend's garden claw and started tilling. This was quite the feat as I came across some rather large rocks. One such rock took me about 45 minutes to dig up. Of course, after I'd been digging for a good 40 minutes my husband says "You know we have a crowbar that would probably work better at getting that rock out".      O_o      Really?! After 40 minutes NOW he tells me! Well, sure enough the crowbar worked and the rock was out in moments. 

Here is my rock still in the ground, right after my husband suggested the crowbar. Once I had that puppy in my hand I knew it would be out in a matter of moments so I took a snapshot of my hard work.  

Here is the rock all cleaned off with the addition of one of the kids dinosaurs that was left in the yard. (I couldn't resist.) This rock weighs a tonne! It now sits proudly in the corner of my veg garden for all the world to see.

And here are the actual garden pictures with before and after shots:

My grass...isn't it pretty? It even feels nice in bare feet! (Now that's NICE grass!) This patch used to be all weeds. 

Here's my veg garden. I tilled it. This is where the giant rock was dug out. Ben mixed the soil and peat moss and then planted the veg. We planted tomatoes, red and green peppers, cucumber, zucchini and summer squash (but the picture looks like yellow zucchini so it's my mystery veg). If you look closely you'll see that I lined the edge of the gardens with rock. These rocks all came from my back yard and I think add character to my garden. Silly to some, but I absolutely adore it!

I wasn't going to put anything here, except new grass, but when I bought my veg the lilies were $2 and I couldn't resist. I'm a little worried about them because they're a little brown, but from what I understand lilies are pretty hearty so I'm hoping they'll perk up soon. If you look closely in the after picture I've got rocks bordering the lilies as well.

The next project for the back yard is to throw grass seed over the rest of the "lawn" which at the moment is only green because of the weeds. The other project for the yard is to put in patio stones which I'm  really excited about. This project will take longer than I'd originally hoped because it's more expensive than I'd first thought. I may just buy a couple of stones at a time until I have enough and then we'll do the installation. You can probably tell I'm super excited to have a real backyard and to be able to actually do something with it. The funny thing is we pretty much fight over who's going to do the watering! I can definitely say I've been getting a lot of sun this year and spending some REAL time outside! Most years I pretty much stay inside where it's cool. This year has been great so far - hot but not all that humid. It's been great and I hope it stays like this!

Toes

Image via Wikipedia

So, last night I'm getting my kids ready for bed and throwing all the dirty clothes in the laundry room. I went to turn around and leave the kids bathroom when I caught my pinky toe on the bathroom door. After the initial blinding pain was over and I'd managed to sit down I looked at my toe. I then looked at my other toe to compare because the one I stubbed on the door looked funny.

Then I got creeped out because I was sure the toe was broken - my pinky toe was pointing in a way it shouldn't. As I tried NOT to look at my toe and tried to "walk it off" I realized this was more painful than the other times I've severely bruised my stupid pinky toe.

I had my son go get the phone so I could call my husband - poor guy rarely goes out and I call him home. Then I proceeded to put the boys to bed while hoping on one foot. Crawled up two flights of stairs and put Riley to bed too. Luckily they all went down without a fuss. Ben stopped at his parents and picked up his mom. My mother in law Kathy took me to emerg while Ben stayed home with the kids.

I hopped into the emerg and eventually ended up in a wheel chair because according to the nurse "X-Ray is too many hops". We waited a lot which I expected since a broken toe isn't really an emergency. Eventually we saw the doc and she showed me my X-Ray. My toe was dislocated with a possible fracture. So, she proceeds to tell me there are two ways of doing this. One is to have two needles stuck into my foot to numb the area first. The other is grin and bear it while she pops it back in place. I'm like let's just get it done and over with. (The idea of the needles creeped me out.)

So, doc takes me into an observation room and tells me to hold onto something and proceeds to pop my toe back in place and then tape them up. Then it was back to X-Ray to make sure it was back in place and straight.

Sure enough everything is back in place and I got to see the X-Ray to prove it. Also, since this one shows another angle we see that my toe is in fact broken, but not badly. Treatment is the same either way. Keep the toe taped up and it should heal in 3-4 weeks.

Kathy went to get the car and here was the real test...putting pressure on it for the first time since it was popped back in place and tapped. What's this? I CAN WALK! The poor guy with the leg in a brace must have thought I was crazy! In total we were only at the hospital for 3 hours which considering my toe is now in the right place and I can walk isn't too bad! It doesn't even hurt too badly today.

I have not yet tried to put shoes on, but I'm working from home Monday - Thursday so I think I'll wait until I absolutely have to! Looks like I'm going to have to wait on running for a bit.