Rant - Sporting Goods Stores

Today marks Day 3 of getting healthy. I've been doing okay for the most part but not great. I ended up eating junk late last night and while still in my calorie range it definitely wasn't healthy or helpful. I'm not giving up. I know this is my umpteenth try at getting healthy and losing weight but if I don't try I'll never get there. 

I'm ticked off. I know that I'm a large woman. Scratch that. I know I'm fat. I also know that I'm not the only fat person in the world, let alone the city of Ottawa. So, why is it that stores that sell sports clothing do not carry anything larger than L or XL? (At least not in the women's sections.) Like come on! How are people who are struggling to lose weight and get healthy supposed to feel when they can't find anything to work out in? At times it can be a setback. 

I have a bike again and I'd really like to find some bike shorts. Apparently, that's not going to happen until after I've already lost all my weight. Thanks..that's helpful. I'm going to check out a few more stores, and at this point I don't even care if they're men's or women's bike shorts. In fact it's not even just bike shorts. Try and find any decent athletic wear for someone larger than an XL, it's next to impossible.

You know what else bothers me? That fat people are made to feel even worse when they finally do something about their weight. Now, I know some of it is our own insecurities, but not always. You walk into a sporting goods store and no one offers to help you. Walk into a supplement store and they practically scoff at you. It's like "Hello! I know I'm fat. Don't you think if anyone should be here it's me?" I just find this utterly ridiculous.

I get very self-conscious when I workout. I find it very hard to go into public to workout. Going for walks is the worst, because I find myself looking at the people running by thinking they're judging me. I've seen a few looks to prove that theory although I admit a lot of the time it's mostly just me judging me. 

I find it easier with biking. I'm not in the same spot for long and I enjoy it so much I usually don't think about being the fat girl on a bike. I'm hoping to start biking this weekend. I overdid it the first day out with my seat in the wrong position. As you can imagine...that led to a problem sitting back down on my bike seat. For now I am letting myself heal before starting up again. I'm hoping to log a lot of miles this summer.

Here's a picture of my bike and helmet:

Time for a Change

Welcome to my new blog.

I decided it was time for a change. I really enjoyed writing my Fitness Rampage Blog but I felt compelled to only write about fitness/weight issues and who has time for 2 separate blogs?

Being eLLe is going to encompass more of my daily life, as it happens. I'll include my struggles with weight loss as well as updates on my family and life in general.

As many of you know from my previous blog I've struggled with trying to lose weight for years. I've had weight problems since high school when I started binge eating. Twice I've lost weight and kept it off for a number of years, but then I had children.

When pregnant I didn't care how much I weighed, I ate whatever I craved through all 3 of my pregnancies. It took about 2 years after Dale was born for me to lose weight, but I did it and was happy with my shape and the energy levels I had. After gaining all the weight back with Joey I help back losing because I knew I wanted another child. I thought after Riley it would be easy for me to get started and lose weight. What I failed to take account for was the fact that it is now 5 years later and I'm so used to giving in to cravings and eating whatever I want that I'm having a very hard time changing my eating habits.

I'm an emotional eater and my tendency to overeat has grown over the years. I have the knowledge on what I need to do to lose weight. I've had the motivation off and on as well, but continue to run into obstacles. At the first sign of stress I'm in my kitchen shoveling food into my mouth.

I've tried going it alone, Weight Watchers and the gym. All of these things have worked for me in the past. The biggest obstacle is myself. Life gets too hard so I just check out.

Well, I've had it. It's time to do something about my weight. I've said all of this before, but all I can do is keep trying. Having said that though you may be wondering what sparked the need for change this time around. The answer is simple and nothing I have never said before. I want to be healthy and be able to keep up with my kids. I have a great life, great family and great friends. I want to feel good about myself too!

I went to the doctor yesterday. I spoke with the doctor and asked to be prescribed with Meridia. The doctor agreed and wrote the prescription. I filled it right away. You're probably wondering what Meridia is. It is an orally administered agent for the treatment of obesity, as an appetite suppressant. The prescription itself is very expensive when you don't have a drug plan. My hope is that the pills combined with the knowledge of how much I'm paying for the prescription will give me that much needed kick in the pants. The hardest part is always starting a routine and sticking with it even when life gets stressful.

The pills are not a quick fix. I still have a long road ahead of me with a lot of work to do. I'm going to lay it all out there. As of this morning I weigh 241.4 lbs. I have four goals for the next month:

• Weigh ONLY once a week. My weigh day is going to be Sunday mornings.
• Eat more fruit and vegetables. I've already gone grocery shopping and pre-sliced the fruit and veg. I find it much easier to choose healthier food when it's already prepared for you.
• Walk at least 30 minutes everyday. I've been quite stagnant lately and need to get back into some sort of exercise routine. I will increase the intensity as time goes on.
  
• Stay encouraged even when progress is slow. If I slip up, I won't use it as an excuse to eat MORE food.
  

Thank you for reading and for your encouragement in the journey we call Life. I hope to write every day or every couple of days. Stay tuned for more updates and please feel free to leave comments. I enjoy hearing from all of you.

eLLe