The Little Things

Image by horizontal.integration via FlickrHello my dear blog readers. It's been a long time. I've been busy living life! Isn't that an amazing idea? To live life?

Well, it's been a long hard road but I feel as though I've come so far in this past year. That I've grown so much. I don't know how to explain it other than I feel like I got my groove back, but it's more than that. It's as though I never had a groove and I'm just getting it for the first time. Does that make sense to anyone but me?

It's the little things.

Things like buying a pair of heels that are actually stylish. Or how I love Starbucks so much the locals know me by name. Or how I love driving and my husband makes fun of me for feeling the Gs. For the record I don't speed I just accelerate quickly. =)

I'm trying new things like drawing and painting with water colors. I'm thinking I may eventually even take a class. I've really started  to enjoy biking. Rather I've rediscovered my love of biking. I bought a speedometer and found that I have a competitive streak. I love knowing how fast I'm going and beating my previous speeds even if it's only for a few seconds.

I've lost 6 lbs since August 7th. I found a new application for my HTC Magic. It's amazing. My Fitness Pal (MFP) is so much easier to use than the Fat Secret application I attempted to use previously. Don't get me wrong Fat Secret is great, but it just wasn't right for me. It works so well that I've consistently been tracking calories for 15 days. Don’t get me wrong just because I've been tracking doesn’t necessarily mean I've stayed within my calories for the day, but I'm on my way. Sometimes it's all about the right tools that work for you where you are in your life now. 

It's the little things.

Like I binged the other day but I only ate half the container of Haagen Dazs Rocky Road and I've always finished it before. I know it's not a huge step but it is a step in the right direction.

I met with a friend of mine last week. Heather and I haven't physically seen each other in 6 years. We went to high school and both moved the summer after grade 10. We've kept in touch over the years. 

We spent 3 hours in a coffee shop talking as though we'd never spent time apart. It's amazing how some friendships are like that. That’s the mark of a true friendship.

Well, at the end of our visit she mentioned how much I've changed over the years. How I'm so much more confident in my own skin than I ever was before. Amazing how one comment can open your eyes to see those changes. Obviously, I'm not perfect and I have a lot of growing to do in other ways, but it's amazing to just BE ME!

Wow! It's amazing how writing a blag can bring on revelations about oneself. I was just reminded of my trip  in February to Circle Square Ranch for a Christian women's retreat. When I was had prayed for God to give me 2 words. Well I got a phrase… Be Still and Wait Patiently. Here's an exerpt from my blog about the retreat:

Two Words
When Heidi started the first session she talked about her two words from God. Each year almost like a New Years Resolution, she prays for God to give her two words. Sometimes its a word or two and other times it may be a phrase or bible passage. I prayed for two words for my weekend and in the stillness of the morning I found the words: Be Still and Wait Patiently. This is not something I do well. I find it difficult to sit quietly. When I read those words from Psalm 37 I knew it was a message God wanted me to hear.

While I knew the phrase struck a chord with me, I wasn't entirely sure why. Is this what I've been waiting for? To be still and wait patiently to be me? To be able to just BE in my own skin?

It's the little things.

Hi! I'm Elle! It's nice to meet me! For the first time in my life I am truly happy to be me.

It's the little things... 

Dignity

I'd like to talk to you about something a little different today. I know the bible says to give in secret, but I want to share something with you.

There is a woman who sits on Metcalfe St in Ottawa. Her name is Mo. She's not homeless per se, but her life is on the streets. I can't explain why, but I feel drawn to her. I used to walk by her everyday when I worked at on Elgin St and I started bringing her coffee and a muffin or bagel. I've stopped to have real conversations with her.

I haven't been by to see her in a long time, between running late and working from home, but I think of her often. This morning I was early for work and went to see her. She still remembers me and even though I can smell the booze on her breath, I care.

We talked this morning, she's sick again. You see a lot of people walk by her and ignore her. People with a cold or the flu walk by her and cough on her. How hard is it to turn your head toward the street instead of the woman sitting on the sidewalk?

I've sat with her, I've hugged her when she cried and I still can't explain why she touches me so. I have to hope that it's some sort of call from God and have faith that I'm making some sort of small difference in her life, even if it's not often.

I admit I don't feel the same about every person I see on the street and maybe I should. I do try to acknowledge their existence. I remember we had a speaker at our church who said even if you can't give them money just give them the dignity of looking them in the eye. I've kept that with me and I try to at least smile and say hello.

Hear, O LORD, and answer me,
for I am poor and needy.
Guard my life, for I am devoted to you.
You are my God; save your servant
who trusts in you.
Have mercy on me, O Lord,
for I call to you all day long.
Psalm 86:1-3

February Women's Retreat

When I started this new blog I said I would update with more then just my weight loss progress and I haven't really done that. I've been too ashamed to write anything because I've hit the winter blues. I'm not going to go into more than that because I want to tell you about an amazing experience I had in February!

Thanks to the church grapevine and my wonderful husband, I was lucky enough to have the opportunity for a weekend away. Eight women from Barrhaven Fellowship CRC, including myself, went on a Women's Retreat at Circle Square Ranch in Arden, ON.

We met at the church Friday afternoon, packed our gear and with four women in each vehicle started our journey. We arrived right on time and quickly got ourselves settled into the Bakery. The hot water was only working on the boys side of the ranch and let me tell you it smelled like a boys bathroom!Our room consisted of 6 bunk beds with these vinyl mattresses. I quickly realized that on our list of things to bring bedding meant more than just a pillow and blanket. It was a major "DUH!" moment. Thankfully, Andrea brought lots of extra stuff and let me borrow a blanket to sleep on.

Then we were off to our first session of Heartsongs and Chocolates with Heidi McLaughlin. The whole weekend was powerful and amazing but I'm just going to talk about a few things that really stood out for me.

Theme Verse
We had a theme verse for the weekend that we committed to memory. Our theme verse for the weekend:

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him, but God has revealed it to us by His Spirit

1 Corinthians 2:9-10

Two Words
When Heidi started the first session she talked about her two words from God. Each year almost like a New Years Resolution, she prays for God to give her two words. Sometimes its a word or two and other times it may be a phrase or bible passage. I prayed for two words for my weekend and in the stillness of the morning I found the words: Be Still and Wait Patiently. This is not something I do well. I find it difficult to sit quietly. When I read those words from Psalm 37 I knew it was a message God wanted me to hear. In fact, writing this a month later I realize I STILL need to put that into practice.

Mask of Shame

Shame is an excruciating and punishing awareness of our human inadequacy.

We all hide behind different masks and underneath those masks are feelings of shame. There are two types of shame. Real shame when we've done something that we know was wrong but we can take to God and he'll forgive us. Circumstantial shame is a feeling of being wrong. That there is something wrong with us.

If you're anything like me my shame makes me feel as though I'm not good enough or that I'm not worthy. For this session, Heidi had us all put on masquerade masks. There are so many things that we've already gone through and asked for forgiveness but we allow the shame to creep back for things that are in the past and should remain in the past.

At the end she asked us when we were ready to all take off our masks and let the shame go. It was really hard for a lot of women to walk up to the front and drop their masks. Heidi was waiting to give each one of us a hug at that pivotal moment. It's a moment I won't soon forget, but also have to keep reminding myself when the shame creeps back that I've asked forgiveness and let it go.

Triple Braided Heart Connections (You, God and Each Other)
God tugs at our heartstrings through His Spirit. We need each of the following heart connections to thrive in life.

1. Magnum Opus: We all need to see ourselves as God's Masterpiece.

2. Your 2 a.m. Friend: Who would you call at 2 am? Who is that person you can be a complete mess with that would lay in bed with you when you could do nothing else?

3. God: In the end there is just you and God.

The Healing at the Pool

Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?"

"Sir," the invalid replied, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me."

Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk."

John 5:1-8

Heidi had us read this story and asked us what strange question does Jesus ask: Do you want to get well?

So many of us are comfortable in our misery because it's what we know. Personally, I'm comfortable in my misery of being overweight. Why? Because change is hard! I'm not happy being overweight but it takes work, hard work. It's not as simple as going on a diet and following some strict guidelines. Often, we have to dig through emotions that we don't want to deal with or even acknowledge.