Happy New Year

Well, its that time of year again. A time of resolutions and of new beginnings. I haven't written in so long and it's been even longer since I wrote regularly. I admit this feels a little daunting. 

At the end of August I took a job as a secretary in a doctor's office. There are so many stories I wish I could tell, but privacy keeps my page blank. So, I've struggled with what to write about. Which is something I've never had a problem doing. Ask anyone...I never shut up. 

I've also been embarrassed. I'm not working where I thought I would be. When I went back to school, I truly felt called, and assumed there was some amazing plan for my new career. God has another plan in mind. I take comfort knowing he's not done with me yet. And I'm hoping the path I see now is what He had in mind. Sorry, that's all I'm giving you on that front. 

All this leads me back to what to write about? You must have seen or heard about people filling a jar with their blessings? Well, since I'm working in a job I don't always feel grateful for I decided that I need to constantly remind myself of the good things in my life.

So, from time to time I'm going to blog about things I'm feeling particularly grateful for.

Tonight I am especially grateful for my amazing husband who I've been with for nearly 10 years!  Tomorrow is his birthday! I don't know what I'd do without him! He's the love of my life.

Happy Birthday Baby!

Happy 2011

Image by Leorex via Flickr

It's a new year and a new start to blogging. So, instead of "trying" to blog daily I've decided to blog weekly. Every Friday/Saturday I will blog and then go from there.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

The new year always brings with it the idea of change. To finally lose that weight or get out of debt. To change the things we know we need to change but for whatever reason we haven't been able to.

I'd like to lose weight. I'd like to get out of debt. However, this year...my real New Year's Resolution is to Stop Procrastinating. If I'm being honest with myself and my readers...my one big fault isn't that I eat too much or spend too much money. (Yes, I do those things too) It's that I always put things off, whether the task is big or small I procrastinate - big time.

I know I haven't blogged in a few months, it's another thing I keep putting off. A lot has happened during this time, but I'll give you the short version. I was sliding back down into depression and I didn't want to go down that road again. Do you ever get tired of being "sick and tired"? I know I do and I'm tired of not really living and enjoying my life. I took steps to get out of the funk I was in and also to prevent the Seasonal Depression I usually suffer from. I'm happy to announce that it's January 1, 2011 and I'm not in my usual Winter Blues! I am a blessed woman with a great life. That's not to say my life is perfect, but it's really good and I'm really lucky.

Most of the problems I do have stem from procrastination. If I don't put off cleaning the kitchen I'm more likely to make a good wholesome meal. If I put it off we're either ordering out or finding something super quick and easy to make which is most likely not in the healthy category.

Keeping my resolution in mind I started preparing yesterday. With the help of my wonderful husband, Ben, we completely re-organized and cleaned the house. We moved my office, I rearranged our bedroom, the kitchen floor was finally scrubbed! It was a lot of work in one day, but we finished and still had time to bath the kids and get them to bed and enjoy a nice quiet New Year's Eve together. I made it to midnight for the first time in years. I tried to text my friends at midnight but I guess everyone else had the same idea. This morning I was woken before 7 am but that was ok. My house was clean and it's so relaxing to wake up to a clean, organized house.

I truly believe our environment reflects how we feel inside. When I'm down in the dumps the house is completely disorganized with stuff everywhere. If you're in the grips of depression today please I urge you I know how hard it is but get up and organize your life. I guarantee you'll feel loads better and if you don't feel better then reach out to a friend, a stranger or even message me. But talk to someone. Vent. Lay it all out. Get it out. Just don't sit in your despair - alone.

Someone cares.

You are not alone.

Someone loves you.

You need to let people know you're suffering so they can help. Maybe they can't fix your problems, but just having someone to talk to can make all the difference in the world. Let me tell you a story:

This woman was going through a very rough time. She called to cancel her dinner plans because she wouldn't be very good company for the holidays. Her friend sensed something else was going on so she said she was coming over. The woman didn't want company, she wanted to be alone, but her friend wouldn't listen. She drove over to her house at 9:30 at night and stayed until the wee hours of the morning. Did she have other things to do, yes, but she didn't care. Her friend needed someone. She knew if left alone the woman would go through all the negative things in her life and that bitter cycle would bring her down deeper and deeper. Instead she was able to cry and laugh and get it all out. She went for dinner the next night. She was a joy to be around, she met new people and had a great time. Her holidays were so much brighter by one act of kindness. 

Sometimes the best gift of all is giving someone YOUR time! 

With that, I say - Happy New Year! May you all be blessed in 2011 and all the years to come. What's your New Year's Resolution?

February Women's Retreat

When I started this new blog I said I would update with more then just my weight loss progress and I haven't really done that. I've been too ashamed to write anything because I've hit the winter blues. I'm not going to go into more than that because I want to tell you about an amazing experience I had in February!

Thanks to the church grapevine and my wonderful husband, I was lucky enough to have the opportunity for a weekend away. Eight women from Barrhaven Fellowship CRC, including myself, went on a Women's Retreat at Circle Square Ranch in Arden, ON.

We met at the church Friday afternoon, packed our gear and with four women in each vehicle started our journey. We arrived right on time and quickly got ourselves settled into the Bakery. The hot water was only working on the boys side of the ranch and let me tell you it smelled like a boys bathroom!Our room consisted of 6 bunk beds with these vinyl mattresses. I quickly realized that on our list of things to bring bedding meant more than just a pillow and blanket. It was a major "DUH!" moment. Thankfully, Andrea brought lots of extra stuff and let me borrow a blanket to sleep on.

Then we were off to our first session of Heartsongs and Chocolates with Heidi McLaughlin. The whole weekend was powerful and amazing but I'm just going to talk about a few things that really stood out for me.

Theme Verse
We had a theme verse for the weekend that we committed to memory. Our theme verse for the weekend:

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him, but God has revealed it to us by His Spirit

1 Corinthians 2:9-10

Two Words
When Heidi started the first session she talked about her two words from God. Each year almost like a New Years Resolution, she prays for God to give her two words. Sometimes its a word or two and other times it may be a phrase or bible passage. I prayed for two words for my weekend and in the stillness of the morning I found the words: Be Still and Wait Patiently. This is not something I do well. I find it difficult to sit quietly. When I read those words from Psalm 37 I knew it was a message God wanted me to hear. In fact, writing this a month later I realize I STILL need to put that into practice.

Mask of Shame

Shame is an excruciating and punishing awareness of our human inadequacy.

We all hide behind different masks and underneath those masks are feelings of shame. There are two types of shame. Real shame when we've done something that we know was wrong but we can take to God and he'll forgive us. Circumstantial shame is a feeling of being wrong. That there is something wrong with us.

If you're anything like me my shame makes me feel as though I'm not good enough or that I'm not worthy. For this session, Heidi had us all put on masquerade masks. There are so many things that we've already gone through and asked for forgiveness but we allow the shame to creep back for things that are in the past and should remain in the past.

At the end she asked us when we were ready to all take off our masks and let the shame go. It was really hard for a lot of women to walk up to the front and drop their masks. Heidi was waiting to give each one of us a hug at that pivotal moment. It's a moment I won't soon forget, but also have to keep reminding myself when the shame creeps back that I've asked forgiveness and let it go.

Triple Braided Heart Connections (You, God and Each Other)
God tugs at our heartstrings through His Spirit. We need each of the following heart connections to thrive in life.

1. Magnum Opus: We all need to see ourselves as God's Masterpiece.

2. Your 2 a.m. Friend: Who would you call at 2 am? Who is that person you can be a complete mess with that would lay in bed with you when you could do nothing else?

3. God: In the end there is just you and God.

The Healing at the Pool

Some time later, Jesus went up to Jerusalem for a feast of the Jews. Now there is in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate a pool, which in Aramaic is called Bethesda and which is surrounded by five covered colonnades. Here a great number of disabled people used to lie—the blind, the lame, the paralyzed. One who was there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, "Do you want to get well?"

"Sir," the invalid replied, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me."

Then Jesus said to him, "Get up! Pick up your mat and walk."

John 5:1-8

Heidi had us read this story and asked us what strange question does Jesus ask: Do you want to get well?

So many of us are comfortable in our misery because it's what we know. Personally, I'm comfortable in my misery of being overweight. Why? Because change is hard! I'm not happy being overweight but it takes work, hard work. It's not as simple as going on a diet and following some strict guidelines. Often, we have to dig through emotions that we don't want to deal with or even acknowledge.