A Very Jekyll and Hyde Weekend

I feel as though I'm at a crossroads of sorts. I went to an Isagenix training Friday night. It was great and it was tough. I was faced with some realities and I think my scaredy lion came roaring back. I feel like tucking my tail between my legs and giving up. You see the speaker at this event is an Isagenix millionaire. Would I like to be a millionaire? Sure. But that's not what I dream about. I dream about being a successful woman. I dream about being a leader in my community. I dream about helping people with my God given talents. And those talents ARE given to me by God. So, what I realized within the first few minutes was that this speaker is all of that. She is a woman. I, however, feel as though I am a mere girl, playing dress up. As the speaker shared her story I pulled so many similarities from my own life. What ultimately blew me away was that we are the same age and this hit me harder than I would have expected.

You see, I've made it to a point in my life that I can honestly say that I love myself. I deserve love and happiness. I am worthy. What has blindsided me is that those feelings of unworthiness have crept back in. Only this time it's related to success and business. I feel unworthy of being successful. There. I said it. All of my doubts and fears are weighing me down. I'm stuck in this in-between place where I know I have these skills. I know I could be really good at it. But I've got all of these doubts. I couldn't run my own business. Why would a client pay me to help them? I'll never make it.

I wrote the above last night. Since then I've had my biggest fan give me one of his speeches. My husband is my biggest supporter and he's always on my side. He tells me the truth, not just what I want to hear. One of the things that I didn't want to hear was that I have too many things on my plate. I know it's true. I just don't want to hear it. I've got too many things on the go and I don't want to drop any of them because I don’t want to disappoint anyone or let anyone down. Here's the thing about juggling too many balls at once a lot of balls get dropped. Because I have too many items on my agenda I'm not able to put in the effort I would like and a lot of things get put off or even forgotten about because something else came up that was a priority. With all of this in mind I came to three decisions. I decided to let one thing go immediately. The second one I will start the stepping back process until I can completely bow out at least at this stage in my life. The last one is to focus more on my health and well-being, which ultimately is the whole idea of letting go of some items on my agenda.

Once I made my decisions I did some spring cleaning to help with my newly decluttered mind. I went through my very cluttered inbox that held over 1200 emails and brought that number down to 59. In the process I rediscovered the Harlem Globe Trotter tickets that I received as a Christmas gift. The event is next Sunday! Can you imagine if I hadn't gone back through my email in time?

Then I moved into the kitchen and organized it as well. You see, we were given a pantry a few days ago and I still hadn't cleaned it out. It's clean now. My spices and baking supplies have filled the pantry! And now I have so much cupboard space!

It's amazing how quickly your viewpoint can open up once you make a decision. What holds me back is the indecision. Indecision leads me to overwhelm and procrastination. What this looks like on the outside is a lot of tv watching and laziness.

I am a woman of many interests and I try to take them all on at once - like any good "superwoman". That is until I gravity pulls me crashing back down to the real world. I can't do it all. I can't learn everything at once. I can't volunteer for everything little thing that interests me.

This weekend was a good bump in the road. It helped me around some hurdles that were blocking me path. I can see clearly again and I am at peace. Or at least my current version of peace. 

March 12: How Your Work Benefits from You Being at Home (Chapter Two)

Chapter 2 - How Your Work Benefits from You Being at Home
What can you do or change to make working from home actually work for you? Creating an office space? Cleaning up that office space? Looking into finding a babysitter for a few hours a day? Take the first steps in making the change, then take a photo of your progress and post it on your blog.

I truly tried to do this tonight. While I did end up with a decent workspace it did not come easily!

My workspace is in my living room. The computer is set up with the tv. The idea is to send the kids upstairs for a certain amount of time while I have quality work time. Before I could get to work though I needed to organize my clutter.

 
The box if full of papers, books, taxes and a skirt that needs to be sewn. Beside the box are two baskets of yarn and crochet accessories. Okay there's a lot here, but if I just prioritize then I think I can get it done. What the priority here? Oh yes, my skirt so I can wear it to work tomorrow.

And then I realized I needed to wash my comforter so we can use it tonight. Off I go down the stairs to start a load of wash. Only, there's a load in the dryer and the washer already. I finish switching over the laundry and get my dirty sheets and comforter into the washer, make the bed with clean sheets so now all it needs it the comforter. Then I remember how disgusting my bathroom is. So, I cleaned it and pushed all the dirty laundry into the laundry room, gathered up all the garbage in the basement, and brought up some dirty dishes.

Now I'm upstairs. Back to sewing my skirt. Wait my sewing box is broken. I need something else to put this stuff in. Somehow, my vitamins and medications got organized and I eventually found something to put my meager sewing stuff into.

Crap. It's later than I realized and my daughter needs to go to bed.

So, I did managed to sew my skirt while watching a couple of sitcoms. Finally, I managed to go through my big box of stuff and organize it into tidy little pile. Here are some pictures while going through the worst of it.

 

 

 The final product and I have a feeling tomorrow will go a lot more smoothly as a result!



In the round table is what's left of my pile. I still have lots of crochet stuff, but it's easy to hide. I need it accessible so I can complete a blanket I'm working on.

Overall, I got so much done tonight, even if it wasn't all on my radar. I felt a little it like I fell down the rabbit hole and couldn't find the right way out. So, I think it will be a lot less stressful when I sit down to work from here on out.

Today's challenge...accepted and completed!

This post is part of the Balanced challenge with Tricia Goyer—and you can join, too!